Archive for October, 2006

“Something is missing.”

I can see something in everyone… either there’s the sweet girl with the strikingly wonderful heart, comes through her eyes, but the vacuity and stiffness to her face as she cuts into her switch… still, there’s a hair second before that where there’s a simple purity. Then there’s the girl I can feel her giggling inside, but she’s just afraid… more patterns… then there’s the guys who are so tied up in their assertions, mostly macho bullshit, it’s as bad as a rabid switch… but underneath I see kings and sweethearts…

The banking lady was my favourite. She had this choppy frequency thing and a switch on top, but her sweetness showed up as duration and oh my god… just lovely warmth…. but does she ever notice it? I don’t know. I don’t know.

So yea, everyone piles their bullshit on top of a world of wonderful people. It’s sad. In SOME instances I think the cure could be simple. From the North, certain jokes, a little wit about transience… from the south, tricking them, pulling the rug out from under them but in the loving way that they get to discover it’s still there… again, it seems the right joke would flirt with it. From the east, anything inspiring! The west, maybe we should just buy these people their favourite Chocolates :-)… all that is simple when it’s simple… you could amp this up, or do it more frequently, or do it with duration or in close proximity… that might be helpful… seems the purpose of the medicine wheel and balance maybe…


Then there’s quality. I’ve opened myself again to noticing quality, because people are so unique, and everyone’s beauty tends to be unique, and sometimes strikingly different from what I thought. I come back to the metaphor of wine. I love wine ,the rustic spanish Malbecs and Tempranillos, a nice port… anyway, it isn’t something that one can just gulp down normally, and people are like that, the beauty is just … I find it hard to process quickly just how unexpected some people can be.

But within that, there’s a key I think. Many people I can tell what quality would help them. Beyond the medicine wheel there’s just “feeling” of tone, quality, frequency, whatever you want to call it…. And then there’s the quality in rooms, of teas, of what I eat. I was noticing earlier today how the Tuna I ate contributed to me in terms of quality..

Acceptance is important. It’s just shy of surrender. I’m experiecing some nondualistic states. The reason why is that I’m noticing everything as a quality, without judging it so much as “good” or bad. My tendency is to want to revel in all of it, like my favourite wine…


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I had a savage car accident almost a year ago. The university’s Nazi-assed administration denied me my hardship withdrawal. I now have to beg three profs to let me complete work for their classes and revoke the F’s they gave me. I believe that on the grounds that the dean’s office sent me the notice very late, they will give me the extra time. So, on top of my current course load I now have to finish up in Sexuality and Religion; Chinese religious studys; Social research methods, only research methods is easy. In the end I think it will work to my advantage because I’ll have some extra hours beyond what I would have had otherwise. It was just a bit of a shock.

If anyone needs me I’ll be in the university library.

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