I don’t know when was the last time I felt so derailed and uncentered, ungrounded and detached from myself.
I feel a great deal of clarity about the mechnisms of intention. I can observe my intentions guiding my body to support the neural pathways, actions and attitudes conducive to the intention I hold. I see how Wujifa can act as a medicine in that way. I also see how screwed up patterns carry through the body as a kind of training similar to Wujifa (hence the need for such devoted training). Maybe I can learn to make my own medicines… but here’s what I cannot find right now in the midst of this stark grounded clarity of observation: Clarity of intention!
What I do notice is that I seem to not get overwhelmed so much lately as just habitually go back to structures that block flow. Apparently I have a habitual intention to block flow of energy.. I don’t find most of the energies I experience overwhelming, in the sense of getting freaked out. Maybe the discomfort stems from feeling such wide-open possibility? Or so much freedom that I lost some of what I thought was my footing? Some of the clarity of observation I’ve had has also made me uncomfortable… But mostly I think it gets back to habit (which is still a desire to do what’s comfortable, determined by comparisons to what’s been relatively comfortable before). I don’t like the structure that I notice many of my habits training into me! However, this is a relatively new observation (yea, and thanks Rick, because I am just glimpsing how things get attached to modalities –>deep stuff but I cannot articulate it at all)
All that positive aside, this week I’ve just felt bad. I accidentally stumbled across something on the internet that freaked me out and left me feeling very dark for about a day and a half. I also have just been floundering for clarity and feeling some very uncomfortable feelings in general. My introverted nature really bucks against having to be someone’s guide for two weeks straight without any break at all. Also, the third world poverty in the Philippines–I just feel like I needed some time to process that (alone). Hmmm, I realize sometimes things go this way.
Still, with some time alone and longer training I think I can get myself reoriented.
Hey Buddy
Hey Buddy
I miss talking… maybe I can get something on my PC so we can chat that way too.. we’d have to have our clocks match so I can be new the PC… what’s a good program to use?
I read this post and I feel like this sometimes too… more as of late because of my hip… here is what help me
Chunk size… when I think about getting to my car and my hip hurts I can get overwhelmed… if I think about a whole day at work… or even weeks till I get a new hip (march 23 by the way)… I can get lost with my intention… the chunk size is to much for me.
So I look at the car and it to big of a chunk size… if I just look at the next step… much smaller chunk size to focus on… it’s much easier.. both big chunks and small are helpful and I play with noticing both… when I get over whelmed I just focus on the next step… when I feel better and not so overwhelmed I look at bigger chunk sizes…
When I allow my intention to play at the very small chunk sizes like the next step it is very helpful… intention plays differently for me at different chunk sizes…
I hope this is helpful… and I will say at times I need to look at the bigger chunk sizes to calibrate if I can make it to the car most of the time I think I can’t and use smaller chucks and surprize myself when I discover I’m there at the car door… other times… when, and his is key “know I can’t make it to the car… I turn around and take it back to the small chunks and step by step make it back to lay down..
Let me know if playing at smaller chnks sizes help with intention… for me chunking down to how do I lift my foot or lower my leg helps give me bigger hint to bigger chunks and intentions…
All the best, eat well, rest, and let me know what you think about PC programs to talk with you on… I really miss chatting
Re: Hey Buddy
Dude, Skype is the PC program par excellence.
The epilogue to my complaining is after getting some alone time I really did pretty much reorient myself (here in the orient, hahaha). The weird feelings haven’t gone away altogether, but at least I feel like me again. In fact, by the time I called you the other day, I pretty much felt better.
I will play with some small chunks… let you know what I think.
Meanwhile you, Rick… go to Skype . com and follow the small chunks to get that software running. I’m phdinfunk on that network!