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Archive for February, 2009

The Oroborus gives me an interesting clue about intention. I think there’s some sort of deep Jungian archetype, or maybe it’s just a nifty compilation of my own attachments and interior mental connections. I feel that contemplation of the mandala does evoke specific feelings and creates a useful tension, one that seems to help make certain neural pathways. I won’t give blood in Taiwan, so I’ve been looking for a tattoo. For many years I wanted a couple of particular alchemical symbols. An Oroborus being one of them. I put it off because I liked giving blood.

The first one is very old. The second one is only four hundred years old or so, but I like how they evoke similar feelings… The differences and sameness help me pin the feeling down better. Part of the feeling, for me, is the tension of “cold fire.”

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Cultivation of the tree

As I do my Qi Kung, I notice something lately. Cultivation of the tree itself, without dilution of intention, is powerful. I’ve been cultivating trees, with curiosity and passion, for a while now. Suddenly I noticed that my trees were bearing fruits relevant to goals I have, things I want! A whole new dimension of power has opened to me recently.

Now I note that my practice could suffer, I could make mistakes of a few degrees, if I practiced towards my little sub intentions.

Now I intend to practice without adding to the practice. The essence of much of this practice is undiluted intention anyway. How simple of an error to dilute that.

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Rob Halford rocks my world!

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Wujifa Notes.

Once again I’m getting the feeling of my neck and shoulders relaxing, and the way that relaxation flows from a relaxation in my cheeks and jaws. I notice my right cheek getting to let go a lot, and feeling how this contributes to balance in my posture.

Tonight I went up to the temple on the mountain again and Stood, and Sat. I like the insights I’m getting lately from the question: What kind of person do I want to be?… and what kind of person do I want to have been? The refinements I felt as I was walking down the pathway along the side of the mountain, I remembered a few things. I remembered how abundant I feel I have been given the things I’ve looked for.

As I sat and later stood, I was able to work the connections I’ve got from laying down stance in my breathing… It feels to me that a lot is coming together with that. And now that I’m relaxing my neck and shoulders more, I should be able to make a deeper connection there. SOMETIMES I get a good connection through my lower back and that tricky spot where the lower and upper back connect. There’s a lot to calibrate in the feelings… but I’m happy that I’ve about developed the feeling of connection from laying down stance’s basic breathing to carry that wave motion of connected breathing into almost anything…

I also remembered, whilest leaning against a tree and taking some breaths. I felt that my tensions in my Jaw, and my shoulders were a kind of excuse. It seemed to relate to a way in which I notice depth, “get it” even and then stop and do something else (which as I type this can explain some of my feelings of working for things and then not getting paid for it).

..and I was able for awhile to stay with the feeling I talked about in my last post, watching the direction, the velocity of my intention. I noticed that when I wanted to try and pin down what I wanted, I could go awry… my intentions are fine. I’m fine with the person I am and the things I want to do and be. However, it seemed that just paying attention to direction was like discovering how to get to McDonalds, and getting too attached to any particular goals I had was like insisting on going down a particular road to get there… It’s hard to explain but amidst this I felt confident and comfortable within my intentions.. I’m willing to explore what I want to explore, and embrace what I want to embrace.

I want to do everything I choose with depth and power. And I feel Wujifa supports that. I feel that the quiet standing, the calbration to connections, the groundedness, the attentiveness and the refinement of my intention and my ability to connect with and support my intentions with my mind and my body all give me more depth and power.

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I noticed today, some interesting things hidden in a space in my auditory “area” by the NLP standards… I was spending time on that range of motion (and everything is a feeling, by the way, including the feeling of running internal auditory).. I noticed what was hidden in there that had little to do with auditory, and didn’t need to be in that feeling…

And now I’m even more curious, because if anything could be hidden anywhere… that is anything could be anchored to anything, or anyhing could be named anything arbitrarily along with a feeling attached to it…

I’ve been playing with pleasure, mind blowing pleasures in Qi Kung for years… and pleasures with immense detail that go for days (literally sometimes), or for eighteen minutes that leave me glowing for days.

And I discovered something frightening to me within that exploration, and even within my Qi Kung in general (because all the Wujifa feels good to me). What if I don’t attach anything to what I like to feel? What if I neither name it, nor even pin it down, but just use my liking as a direction marker, and the feelings guide me towards even more refinement? I could say, what if I never quite say, “that’s it” and try to pick my spot and stay, but always use the velocity to calibrate to something even better?

It may be a cool thing to purify my intention… Since what I want is what I want, and I’m not even loading onto it more than that feeling… However, yes… it’s frightening for some reason, because it feels like I’m floating, or falling, or something similarly disorienting. I’ll put that description in because it relates the experience to something else I’m working on.

What’s interesting to me is how much of what I want I think I’ve scattered throughout myself amidst a million conflicting anchors, words, states and feelings.

Your Eternal Hedonist,
Jonathan P.

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Kung Fu Question.

How do I find the balance between “go with the flow,” and “what is my intention?”

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One more amazing night…

Full moon. I sped up Sansia’s mountain to the old bell. I saw fireworks going off and turned my throttle a little harder, wishing to see the show. And when I arrived, there was quite a show going on. I saw some massive kenetics until I just didn’t care any more and then I wandered down the mountain pathway towards the second peak. After a while, I decided to turn back rather than forge my way, inch by inch, through the darkness with no light.

As I returned, I remembered the staircase through some rocks I’d noticed before. I decided to check it out. Being as I’ve walked across many mountainsides in darkness, I felt comfortable with this adventure. I followed the path, observing my weight and where I allowed it to travel through my legs. After a short distance I came to a little temple and stepped inside. Someone had left candles burning, and this little hut gave much warmth. I sat and did a little sitting Qi Kung, noticing how the weight of my head travels down my spine. I could feel a good sense of balancing things above lower things. It was cool to notice the way my balance shifted as I turned my weight in different directions.

Then I decided to press on, as the trail appeared to continue past the little shrine. Very shortly, it deadended at a mountain face. I looked around at the panoramic view of Tucheng, then Taipei further in the distance (through the haze). The fireworks continued to blast their concussive waves through the air, though they were at enough of a distance that they didn’t seem too sharp for my ears any more. I found a flat place and I stood. The width and bredth of the space before me provided a nice source for calibration for one excercise I was doing.

The stance itself was very nice. I kept moving closer and closer towards the sense of balance I know. Relaxed, open, heavy through the right part of the quads, light above. That’s right, I had a sense of a light just above my field of view when I closed my eyes. I breathed, I relaxed more. I was pleased that I could notice specific tensions and let them go and gradually calibrate towards deeper and deeper stance. I could have loaded my stance to dropping (and I nearly did).

Eventually I noticed that to remain standing I was making more and more compromises than I wanted to so I walked back to the little temple and sat down, adjusting the stool they left me until I felt comfortable. I did some very nice sitting stance. I wasn’t timing any of this since it was all kind of outside my normal practice (which I will still do tonight). I felt very connected through my sitting, quite grounded and solid in my sitting.

On the way back down the mountain I noticed the feeling through my bike. I couldn’t maintain it constantly but I could get a good feel through my handlebars and through my seat that came and went. Though my motorscooter has a very low center of gravity I could really feel the smallness of the contact point on the road. I was getting a lot of feeling and had trouble calibrating my sitting and steering to some of the information I was getting. Through the handlebars, I kept noticing the gyroscope action of the tires a lot as well. I’ll have to play more with this because I already notice differences in how I drive depending on if I do relaxed balanced versus more tension and force. I’m curious what I can learn about with grounded motorcycling, especially since the steering is not buffered through a power steering system of any kind, and balance plays such a big part.

And as I came the last 68′ to my house, I discovered a boundary I’ve been curious about since I started driving this thing. I feel very confident in my ability to balance my weight and to control my bike. I trust my balance so far as a turn that would almost touch my knee to the ground. The only thing I have doubts about is traction (and perhaps its relation to braking as well), and I’m considering going out and getting the best tires money can buy for my bike. I managed to drive over wet steel grating and lost traction for a second in the midst of a 90 degree turn. It was nothing I couldn’t easily recover from, but if I had been going very fast it could have been disastrous.

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