Archive for October, 2009

It’s a trap.

I have come to think that being transgendered would be almost a non-issue if society were less obsessed with people being consistant and committed. I note that people I meet and introduce myself in an obviously queer setting or manner seem to have little difficulty accepting me…. then when I seem more masculine, or whatever, they can get a little stand-offish. Then the people who I introduced myself too as a normal guy, when I go out bowling or something and lookin like David Bowie’s bass player, they’re the one’s who can be stand-offish or something…

well, it doesn’t entirely boil down that simply, but it does boil down sort of like that. Meh.

The good news is that I’m becoming a lot happier with who I am.

And since this is live journal and it’s my duty to share something deep here with everyone, I’ll say that most of what I do best in calibration too is still where I feel most comfortable, or the deepest sense of peace. I can almost create my image based on what allows me to breathe easier… and it ends up that the most internally consistant and comfortable image of myself is kind of otherworldly androgynous… yea, I’m thinner lately, wearing, occasionally so really custom tailored high fashion clothing… I had my tailor copy 1998’s MiuMiu catalogue for me, LOL All kinds of weird glasses I change around here nd there… face and head immaculately shaved.. I think you get the picture. Fit’s in with a Qi Kung player image, but a little decadent, a little out there…

I carry an umbrella so the sun never touches me… very very white. Whiter than I’ve ever been.

And I’m very happy with my image…

yet I revise from day to day, the goal always being to find what’s consistant with what I feel inside.

Commitment and consistancy sometimes conspire to trap me socially… but I often find the confidence to step outside the trap…

And maybe that benefits everyone? I don’t know. Truth is, I often don’t find the courage to step outside the trap also.


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