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Archive for January, 2005

Dream:
I dreamed I was with my best friend (who in the dream, was a good old friend from elementary school). During the dream, we set off some fireworks, and then as I was leaving his home, his sister tried to kiss me (I don’t remember him actually having a sister). His mom made abig point of when she held up a certain object (I think it was a light meter from a camera), then us kids were supposed to listen to her, or come to her or whatever. It was time for me to leave, so the dream segued into something different.
I was playing some sort of D&D or moria-like game, but it was real life. I had a kind of weapons that were made of plastic so i wouldn’t “hurt the other actors” or something like that, but we could still stab each other. My charactor (ME!) was getting beaten badly so I wnt through this portal (it was a choice of two portals, and one only gave me some slightly beter items). On the other side of the portal it was a crazy world. there was a river flowing through the midst of this green videogame-like space. I went across the river and started gathering ‘items’ (mostly weapons, but also lots of drugs, they appeared to be painkillers and narcotics). Then I went into a building and fought more people. One of them I was able to use my plastic sword to pry most of his meat off his body, like filetting a fish (not fellating a fish, heh). Anyway, I had a really big drawn out fight with one large woman, she nearly gauged out one of my eyes with her finger. But I fought well, and eventually I found a different weapon and would have possibly beaten her except that I woke up :-).

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Last night I was using my light sound stimulation machine to help me travel into a deep trance. I got to the trance point where your mind shuts down completely (I successfully overloaded it) and verbal thought pretty much ceases from sheer exhaustion (not as intensely as the other day while vomiting, but approaching that feeling). Instead of visualizing things with my will, I simply let the visualizations go where they wanted too. Often times this results in extraneous ideas flowing through my mind–plates of food, doors and places, people I know, etc… but this time it was rather focused.

I was laying on my bed and began to feel amazing amounts of energy travelling through my spine going upwards. I started to get a headache between my eyes that persisted for most of the trance session. Then, as I was laying there, I saw all the traditional magickal implements. My spine was the wand of fire, and I thought that something like a “true wand” was being pulled out of the top of it, but it was the emination directed by my will out the top of my head (as above, so below, so mote it be, etc). Since I was thinking about the wand, it looked like an infinate wand (makes sense). Then I saw the cup, my cranium. Meanwhile something inside me kept saying “DON’T MOVE!” because I kept wanting to shift my position to get a little more comfortable, and when I did my spine cracked like I was at the chiropractor, so there was an awful lot of tension in my spine (I’m not sure if it was a kind of catelepsy or what). Then I saw the sword being drawn from my spine. And of course, the coin was over my third eye, shielding it somehow (which is interesting since we put coins on a dead person’s eyes).

Afterwords I ate some food and felt AMAZINGLY energized.

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I started writing a choose your own adventure book. I haven’t seen one of these things in a milllion years and it turns out its fun to write. Of course, with all the possible ways to do things, it’s a lot of writing to do per length of story time. But here’s the cool part, since I don’t have to research everything I say and synthesize ideas from acemical sources I can just sit and write it. I started monday and I’ve already typed quite a large amount. All this academincal institutional training to type massive papers is really paying off when it comes to writing two-bit hack fiction. Who knew?

Dreams? I’ve been taking things to help me sleep after my illness and unfortunately I can’t remember my dreams well. I was surprized how long the after effects of being so sick have lasted.

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My dream journal

Okay, I’m going to try this for awhile. I cruise over to my livejournal sometimes and wonder, “why haven’t I actually posted anything about my life? My live Journal sucks!”

So now it’s my live dream journal, for anytime I remember them after a few hours and am still thinking of them at work.

****

I was in some kind of combat situation. Some comrades and I were trying to crawl past someone who was shooting at us with a high caliber machine gun (sort of like a Browning .50 cal.). We were in a kind of tunnel and the bullets were going all around. Finally I was shot and killed.

I was a noncorporeal person then (i.e. a Ghost). It was really neat because I was able to save my buddies (the two who were still alive and going through the tunnel), by pulling the gunner’s aim off so he couldn’t shoot them.

Next scene: Me and several other people who are dead are out in a field next to where the tunnel and building we were trying to get out of in the war scene was. There was a big party going on. Being a ghost, I could pass my hand through people and objects at will (and I did, it was fun), but it took a certain kind of concentration. Sometimes I couldn’t get it quite right. Also I could fly (and I remembered from other dreams that the trick to flying is to “fall upwards”).

There was a lady there who was deaf when she was alive. I asked her if she was able to hear now that she was a ghost. She said she didn’t know because she could understand what I was saying but she had never been able to hear and she didn’t know if she was hearing or reaing my lips. So I turned her around so she faced away from me and asked her if she still heard me. She said, “YES.” So Immediately I thought of music and I got us some music turned on somehow and she and I started dancing. We danced in a very celtic kind of way, like drunken irish folk, not like river dance.

then there were these people, I think from earlier in the dream, before the war part, who were a kind of elves or something. They might have been called “tuatha.” Anyway, they were not allowed to interact much with humans. They lived in their own conclaves, and humans and them couldn’t “fraternize.” So some of them wanted to escape. The ghost humans, including myself wanted to help them, but there was someone who had a kind of spear that could hurt us ghosts (I touched it and my hand wouldn’t just pass through it). These people were like some kind of guard or police force. Ayways, some of the elves managed to escape nonetheless, along with a whole bunch of us ghosts. I recall that more of the elf people left than I had expecte would do so (they just kept coming, even after I expected them to stop). I think I was flying some (this was when I reminded myself to “fall up”).

Shortly after that I woke up.

PS: I have been ill the last couple of days in waking life, but today I finally feel MUCH better. I was super sick with food poisoning Sunday. Sicker than I have been in probably 13 or 14 years. I was vomiting so hard I couldn’t take a breath. I was wondering if my body knew to stop rejecting food long enough that I could breath. It was also SO violent that my mind just went totally blank… I couldn’t think at all, I didn’t have any kind of chance to catch up with what was going on, or even steady myself or try to reposition myself or anything, it was like having no control of my body at all, similar to what I think an epileptic feels. Since then, I have explored that feeling again in meditation a few times. I had managed to drive to my parent’s house before this (I felt better afterwords, by the way), and everyone agreed that they had never seen anyone throw up with that much sheer force. I know this is gross, but I have been weakened by it in the last few days.

I also knew that I needed to vomit about a month ago. I felt like I would be sick like this, not related to alcohol, sometime at the begenning of two thousand five. I rarely ever am ill, even when I get drunk. But I knew I needed to purge the feelings from the last coupl of years from my viscera in this way. So I had been feeling something like this coming for about a month, I just didn’t know when it would be.

Also, I got a ew modular synth from a guy who might have just been a little harder up for cash than I was when I sold mine… I got it EL CHEAPO, and it’s pretty good. I’m off school this semester, working normal hours, feeling pretty good… meditating a lot, and about to get back into writing music.

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