Archive for May, 2006

no spin zone

I’ve noticed lately that listening is normally colored by internal processes which lie outside of most people’s conciousness. So when I hear the hum of the A/C, or my car engine and the other cars whizzing by, it will have a certain “spin” on it. This is due to either internal commentary or internal pictures or movies which are VERY fast, faint, fuzzy, unclear and generally hard to notice. They associate to things in reality the way the dreams in a half-awake state associate to the things in one’s environment. I believe that these internals consititute the “subconcious.” I notice my own a lot more now (these are a lot of what you notice on LSD). I also can notice sometimes when other people are doing them.

This weekend, I was able to listen without spin, however. It’s a beautiful experience to actually hear the real auditory around me, and not have it the least bit colored by my mood, painted good or bad because I’m gleeful or down. Nor are the sounds tilted towards a past memory or compared to something else. I’ve been able to just let them stand on their own. Listening in this way creates a deep blissful feeling for me.


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I went out with an ex girlfriend to a concert a few weeks back. I remember sitting there, loving the music. The players were Chris Wood and his brother (yes, that Chris Wood). I was surrounded by Lesbians and out with a woman I had no interest in. So I sat there, slouched a little in my chair, with my body’s center line aimed straight at the bassist. I didn’t care about anything else and I didn’t care about pretending if I cared about anything else. I was just there to watch him. When he hit the powerful parts, I winced as much as I wanted to. I laughed. I tapped my feet in the most natural and unsophistacated maner, left foot then right foot, with my legs spread apart, the way an old man taps his feet to a song he likes. I cried.

Today I feel like that all over again. I made a belt for my LARP costume, and killed some time in my grandfather’s wood shop. I drove around Tucker and gawked at the chintzy signs for car-audio chop-shops. I sat at Matthews eating fried fish and collard greens, then I came home and got a call that I’ll be having a new guy to play music with soon. Now I’m watching Woody Allen’s Matchpoint. Dear God it’s hard to find a movie worth savoring, and I appreciate them more and more as they seem so rare. I am thankful to be watching one at the end of a sublime day. So I had to stop everything just to write this.

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An Offer

The first person, ahem, to get this video game via fileshare and send me a CD with it on it gets a gift from the ministry of heady prizes. Guaranteed to contain either a new-agey sticker or some incense or BOTH!

Aspartame G? Dr. Automata? Anyone?


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Tiny bits.

Watching people can be fun. I noticed a lady at a stop light with a cool little pattern she did.

Every 4.5 seconds she would do a particular amount of movement, enough to move her head five or six inches, or to move her hand up four inches then plonk it on the steering wheel… It was clockwork. 1 mississippi, 2 mississippi, 3 mississippi, 4 miss –(action)–

Frequency shows up in freaky little ways.

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Today is Wesac, the Buddha’s Birthday.

It might be one of the last tiomes I attend the temple I’m going too. I’ve been saying to Tori for weeks that I felt like I might be outgrowing the temple. Outgrowing Tapa? Hardly. Just the temple. It’s amazing to me that there could be a place where I found my own inner growth so accelerated and I found myself so challenged and uplifted but most of the people there have been there for the last thirty five years and are really stagnant… And the copastor constantly hitting on me makes it stressful, and the big egos (common in the occult world) are a little much for me sometimes…

…And I feel like it just might be time to move on!

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Well, I went LARPing this weekend.

It was somewhat what I expected.

But here’s the wierd part, it was completely ungrounding. I know when I’m grounded and I know when I’m not. I must say that the entire time I was at the event, my internal dialogue shot WAY up, to an uncomfortable rate. It was anti-mindfulness… or well, I was at least aware enough to notice how not-grounded and not-aware I was.

A lot of RPGing involves willfully going ungrounded, out of kineasthetic awareness and into internal visual and auditory. So if 100% – 1 of the attendees is deliberately going ungrounded, then the one guy who doesn’t like to do that is going to get sucked along with them anyway… especially if he’s been training himself to be incredibly empathetic with people.

I never had this experience with table top RPGing. My guess is that table top is more internal visual stimulating than it is internal auditory stimulating, and I find that to be more pleasant. Actually I noticed as I was going to bed last night I had the same level of internal visual as if I’ve played video games all day (which is pretty fucking high!) I never got that from table top RPGing.

Yea, so will I go back?

Only time will tell. I have considered that if I could discover a way to be very meditative whilest doing computer stuff or playing a video game (especially playing a video game) that I would be pretty fucking amazing. Those things aren’t like walking around on a trail, or making music, or anything even remotely like stuff people have done for thousands of years…

Maybe a LARP is like that… je ne sais pas.

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