A wonderful observation was made by Venkat Rao. People desire for things around them to be “legible.” He was quoting someone else, but he’s brought a lot of people’s attention to the concept. In this context, Legibility refers to how easy it is to understand the purpose and the meaning of a thing, not just a text, but anything.
On the very legible end of things is something like an office chair, or a cup of coffee. These are designed by humans, completely contrived for the types of purposes that anyone can plainly gather from their adaptation to these intentions. On the far side of illegibility is the pattern of plants in a forest. Not to say that it’s random, but without an extremely specialized understanding, the patterning, the whys, the meaning of it is indecipherable. The only other way to access a complicated image like a forest or a city is to simply experience the gestalt of it, the sense of it as you are there, in the moment.
Rao gives us examples of problems that arise when we humans try and impose legibility. His easiest example is the growth of a city. Old cities have grown in such a complex pattern over decades, centuries, even millenia, and with such a collection of complex human interactions, that their patterning is as nuanced as the trees and ferns of the forest floor. When planners come along and try to work out a method to set up a city artificially, it so often fails miserably because there is a forced legibility (indeed, it’s hard to imagine making policies about things without first rendering them legible, but for policymakers to grok the complexities necessary to understand things like city growth is more than most mere politicians can muster).
The important points here are that legibility is highest in man-made things and that people desire legibility. In fact, Rao cites an interesting incident at a neurology clinic where a black and white checkerboard pattern is used to establish a “baseline” of someone’s brain activity, a “calm state.” When the patient asked the doctor “shouldn’t you use something more neutral, white noise, perhaps?” The doctor responds, “Oh no, people’s brains go wild when we show a random pattern, because they work hard to grasp at some underlying structure.”
Perhaps it is the fruit of Maharishi’s meditation on who am I? perhaps it is my vows, or just observation. But recently I have found myself truly switching identity experiences rather easily. After actual decades of wanting so much to be a woman, and an entire decade of being mostly submissive, I find myself being a true switch. I can stop what we’re doing at home to force slap her ass, make sure she’s knowing she’s in submission, and leave her begging for more as we’re walking into town. Yes, I can still kiss a whip, scrub someone’s floor, and pine to get held down and fucked. Honestly, I could beg God for either role just as sincerely, or forget the whole thing entirely. All of it is surrender!
If you don’t build it deliberately, but let it form, like actions of nature, it isn’t going to have the same kind of legibility of an invention. I smile this smile that old ladies and children seem to find irresistable. I alternatively flush a bit from some men’s heat, and then wet some girl’s panties by our immediate mutual knowledge that I would chain her up alongside the others and perhaps horsewhip the living hell out of her in half a second. And I gain trusting giggles and secret intimacies when I unwrap my Arab kuffiya and smile a blushing conspiratorial sister smile. No one seems to try to cheat me anymore, in fact it seems they’re mostly quite generous with me. My employees are artistic and seem satisfied. I drive hard bargains with a shy voice. My students mostly do what I say, alternatively seduced, in love, and afraid. My personality is a forest rather than a coffee cup, mysterious to even myself.
Then this all generalizes into other things. I find myself more generous with money, and managing it all quite differently because I don’t even know what it is anymore. It seems to have no value at all. I don’t mean that in a naive sense, but in the sense that we’re all dying so quickly, what the fuck? Perhaps I will find the capacity for even more generosity, or that great fabled freedom to just cast a fortune away in a moment, without a thought, and the power to create another kind or another kind or even a different kind than that…. How can I lack patience in this case? How can I worry any sense of morality? I tested this by lying outright a few times, and find the only thing I have that could be called a “conscience” is confusion brought on by blood sugar levels.
My friends seem to stumble with their reactions. And I think it’s because I’ve become illegible. So I do try and maintain some consistency around them lately, but it feels so stilted, and I notice that any real observer should be able to see through the plastic of contrivance. People want you to have an identity though, something to pin down and relate to with a known set of codes. My girlfriend, fortunately, is blessed with enough innocence to just tell me when she doesn’t get what’s going on, and to roll with it. She’s uncaring about social norms enough to either not notice or not care when I mix gender, dominance, social class signals, fashions, and actions with the kind of attitude that I would pack a backpack for a walk in the woods. Toilet paper is good for so many things, I’ll bring a whole roll of that with me for even a day or two in the woods.